Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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