You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
