I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
