If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
