when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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