apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize