Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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