I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do herpes really smell.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
