I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You dont lie about slip and slides
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my poor anus
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
