Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize