you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
