Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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