I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
