About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
