I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize