You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
