I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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