I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
