First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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