I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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