my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
