just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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