I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize