No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
