She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
