He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
