he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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