mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize