I got her a Nickelback box set.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
