Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
