Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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