You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How does one acquire holy water?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
