possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
