these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
