I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
