i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
