I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
