I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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