you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
