Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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