Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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