I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
