just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
