Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize