Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
