At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
