i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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