end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
