How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
