I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
