i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
