You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
