Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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