He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
