Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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