He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
