I'm really into asian looking animals
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
