i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
