When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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