We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
