my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
