2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
