A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
