just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
