you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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