they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
