i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
