my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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