Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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