There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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