i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
