the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
