you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
